


I just can't feel the heat

by TheGodWith5Yen



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Affection, Baking, Brother-Sister Relationships, Crying, Cussing, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Haircuts, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kinda, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGodWith5Yen/pseuds/TheGodWith5Yen
Summary: Sam may have—he may have cheated and broken their engagement, but she still had her parents and Seth and they were what mattered. “You’re right, you’re—oh my god that asshole has my cat still.” She had left the house in a hurry and hadn’t even grabbed any of her belongings when she stormed off. Most of her clothes, her college textbooks, her cat was still in his house. Leah groaned and shook her head.“Let’s steal your cat.” Seth said quietly.“Let’s steal my cat!” Leah yelled back.
Relationships: Harry Clearwater & Leah Clearwater, Leah Clearwater & Seth Clearwater, Leah Clearwater & Sue Clearwater
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	I just can't feel the heat

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is just something short about Leah dealing with her break-up with Sam with the help of her family. 
> 
> Title from "No Fire" by Sofya Wang
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Mentions of cheating, a panic attack where Leah cuts her hair, and a mention of a miscarriage and abortion (from Sue)

Her father was always so warm. Leah pressed her face against his shoulder as he held her tight, letting his warmth envelop her and the scent of the cologne he always wore that Leah didn’t know the name or brand of but knew it was  _ his _ comfort her as she clung close to him. She felt like a kid again. Like she had just scraped her knee or pushed Seth down without thinking about it and making him cry which made her burst into tears and feel like a horrible older sister. 

Leah’s dad rubbed at her back and made a shushing sound as he whispered, “It’s okay Leah, it will be alright. It’s okay.” Over and over he reassured Leah, but all she could do was sob and shake her head until she tired herself out, all the tears gone from her eyes and her throat raw when she cleared at it as she pulled away. Harry Clearwater raised up a hand and wiped at her cheeks to clear her tears. His calloused hand was a familiar weight from childhood; the movement was like Leah really was ten again and not twenty. It made a few more stray tears leave her as she breathed out a ragged breath. 

“I can’t believe he would do this. Why would he…? How could either of them…?” Leah trailed off, not wanting to say it. Not wanting to acknowledge it all out loud. Not again. It was just so frustrating and hurtful, she didn’t want to open up her mouth and say it. She had already told Seth and her parents, she couldn’t say it again. She had already spent so long crying into her dad’s shoulder for Pete's sake. 

Harry patted her head and gave her a small shake of his head. “It’s inexcusable. I know you may not forgive them, and for that I can’t blame you whatsoever Lee. For now, let’s not think about it. Why don’t we make something to eat? Something sweet to make you feel happy. What do you say?” Leah nodded her head, too scared to open her mouth and sob again, and her dad took her by the hands and led her into the kitchen. There, Seth sat with their mom at the table, talking in low voices as they played mancala with little rocks and crystals. They had long ago lost the set that went with the game and Seth had collected all the rocks now used from their yard and out when he would buy himself something with the money he got for his birthday and holidays. 

Seth gave Leah a small smile, not as bright as any of his usual smiles, but it made Leah happy nonetheless as she walked over to where he sat and gave him a kiss on top of his head. “I love you kiddo,” she said as she pulled away and moved back towards the counter. Her dad was pulling out chocolate chips and sugar, and she helped him pull out other ingredients, the two of them wordlessly deciding on making cookies as they worked around each other. Leah concentrated on her hands, on mixing and getting the consistency right, not wanting to think anymore than she had to. Not trying to remember how her and Emily used to spend hours baking together back when they were in high school. Leah breathed out of her nose, slow and steady, as she scooped out the cookie dough with a large spoon. 

Still, despite her focus, Leah moved in a haze. She handed the sheet of cookies to her dad, who placed them into the oven. He turned to her with a smile and placed a hand on top of her head. “Ayásochid?” 

Leah breathed in and shrugged her shoulders as she glanced down at her feet. She had on her stupid fluffy socks that Emily had given her from a pack of five she had gotten. They were bright blue with pink polka dots and Leah felt a rage inside her stomach so deep and horrible she nearly grabbed the damned things to shove into the oven to burn. But, she had actually good judgement unlike some people so just met her father's eyes and said, “Pissed off. Sad. I want to key Sam’s stupid car, but it’s shitty enough that that wouldn’t do anything.”

“We could steal his stupid car.” Seth said with a grin as their mom made a small noise of agreement. 

“Let’s steal his stupid car!” Leah agreed with a loud single clap of her hands and a nod of her head. She and Seth grinned at each other as she began to think of how they could try to do it. 

The oven beeped to announce it was done preheating and her dad moved to place the sheet of cookies inside as he sighed. “Nobody is going to steal his car,” he said with a shake of his head. “Or key it. No matter how tempting it is. For now, your silence will tell him just how much he has hurt you. I know, I know,” her dad smiled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tweaked her nose like she was five, “it’s hard.”

Leah sighed and let her dad hug her for a bit longer, enjoying his warmth and the shred of happiness she felt with her family. Sam may have—he may have cheated and broken their engagement, but she still had her parents and Seth and they were what mattered. “You’re right, you’re—oh my god that asshole has my cat still.” She had left the house in a hurry and hadn’t even grabbed any of her belongings when she stormed off. Most of her clothes, her college textbooks, her  _ cat _ was still in his house. Leah groaned and shook her head.

“Let’s steal your cat.” Seth said quietly.

“Let’s steal my cat!” Leah yelled back. 

When their parents finally settled them down, Leah and her dad got back to making more and more cookies. It was much more than any of them could eat, but they listed out who they could give them too—Seth’s friends, Leah’s favorite professor who had a soft spot for chocolate, their mom’s coworkers at the clinic she worked at, Charlie Swan. “And Billy of course,” her dad said as they scooped out a new batch of cookies. 

“Billy is not allowed to eat sugar Harry.” Leah’s mom reminded him with a scowl as she pulled out their ziploc bag full of Uno cards, beginning to shuffle them with expert hands. “Honestly my dear. We can give some to Jacob though, he’ll make sure his father doesn’t eat any.”

Leah’s dad snorted as he moved to take the first batch out of the oven and replace it with another. “Fine, fine, we give Jacob the cookies instead.” Leah laughed as she set out to mix together more batter. The talk and familiar motion set her mind at ease. For the moment, everything was alright. This was fine. She would be fine. 

Her hands shook as she held Jumper close to her chest, tears streaming down her face as she nodded her head and looked at her vanity mirror. She had taken off a lot of the pictures that had been left there—of her and Sam, her and Emily. Leah had left photos up of Seth—there was the one from Seth’s third grade when he went through a phase of wearing little butterfly shaped hair clips that Leah had given him, and the one where he was holding up a fish with Jacob Black next to him—and her mom and dad—there was one where her parents were young and her mom was pregnant with Leah and grinning so widely as her dad pressed his cheek to the top of her head. 

Jumper made a small noise, but let Leah continue to pet at her as she cried and cried and cried, staring at her vanity mirror until she stood up and moved over towards it. Everything was a daze as she moved, her hands not a part of herself, her eyes watching from somewhere far away. It was only as she gripped her long hair in her hand did she come back to herself with a gasp. 

Sam had loved her hair. He always said it. Loved how thick and long it was. He would go and braid it. Kiss at strands of her hair and blow air at her cheek as she laughed and rolled her eyes because it was stupid sweet and, and, and— 

She had cut off her hair. Her  _ hair _ . Leah threw it onto the vanity and cried to herself for who knows how long until a small knock on her door knocked some sense into her and she said, “Yeah?” In a small shaky voice that didn’t even sound like her own. Fuck, who was she? How could she let  _ Sam _ hurt her like this. At least she had her cat back. Wherever that little traitor went to hide to. 

The door opened and her mom peeked in for a moment before gasping and walking in. “Oh Lee. My Leah.” Her warm, gentle hands pressed against Leah’s cheeks as she turned her head towards her. Then, without a word, they hugged. They hugged and hugged and cried and, after a while, Leah felt like she could speak again. Her mom said, “I know this is hard Leah. You and Sam were engaged and Emily. She was your best friend for years. Their actions were horrible. They never should have done anything, and I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Leah breathed in. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I—I’m stronger than this. I know I am. But...they were my  _ best  _ friends. Both of them. And, and—they went behind my back. And I know they just kissed twice, but they kissed  _ twice _ . Twice. And I just feel like the fucking idiot in all this.”

“If anyone's the fucking idiot it’s Sam.” Sue responded as she raised her eyebrow. She rarely ever cussed, so whenever she did it made Leah smile and laugh. “Sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you just break. You just break. You know, I was pregnant about two years after I had you. Me and your dad were so excited, but then one day the doctor told us that the baby wasn’t alive anymore and I had to go to a clinic to—to abort the baby. Me and your dad drove out of town and in front of the clinic were those white Christian protestors, yelling and screaming at me like I had some kind of choice in the matter. And then we went back home. And oh, I couldn’t move for days. I couldn’t do anything but cry and cry. I broke. But, I had you and your dad. And you have me and your dad and Seth. And Jumper, wherever that little guy went.”

Leah wiped at stray tears on her face and pressed her forehead to her mom's shoulder. “I didn’t know about that. I’m so sorry that happened to you. But—these are two different—”

Her mom pressed her hand to Leah’s back. “Shhh. Pain is pain Leah. No matter what it is about, you’re feeling pain. So many people have bad breakups and yours? One of the worst. You can be upset, feel pain, it’s alright. I’m here every step of the way. It takes time.” Her hand moved back and forth on Leah’s back and she smiled into her mom's shoulder. “You go to school, you spend time with us, you bake and you make those beautiful necklaces you make and you will be just fine. And you’ll meet someone new, or you won’t, and life will go on.”

Leah nodded. They stayed there for a while longer before Leah asked, “Can you help me fix my hair?” 

They laughed as they filled up the water guns with water. They had found the little things in a box in Seth’s room, along with a rainbow slinky and half made bracelet that said ‘Seth & Rub’ which they could only guess meant ‘Ruby,’ which was their old chihuahua when they were kids. Seth had grinned at Leah and, in silent agreement, they moved to get started in a war. They moved outside and ran around as they sprayed each other, laughing loud and happy. 

Eventually, they found themselves sitting back to back, laughing and fighting for breath. Leah moved and kissed the side of her brother's head, who grinned at her with a smile so bright Leah could only smile back. 

“This was fun. Thanks Seth.” She said as she turned to look back at their house. On the side was the old clothesline that Leah used to swing from as a kid where a bright pink sheet was hanging and moving with the wind. “Hey, you know...I know you had really liked Sam. It’s okay if you miss him.”

Seth was silent for a few minutes as Leah watched the sheet shift with the wind. “You was always so nice to me. I can’t believe he would hurt you like that. It’s so upsetting.” He sniffed. “I hated knowing he hurt you so bad. I hate him for it. Which makes me feel bad because he was like—like a brother to me. Him hurting you hurt me too. I hate him for it.” Seth sniffled again and Leah turned to wrap her arms around him. 

She held her baby brother for a few minutes, eventually rocking him back and forth until he giggled and made to playfully bite at her shoulder. Leah laughed and made a swipe at his head as they began to wrestle together, laughing. And, it was easy to feel better. So much still hurt, deep in her chest. An ache that wouldn’t go away anytime soon, but it was fun. Because she had her dad and her mom and Seth. 

Not everything would be fixed. 

But it would get better. 

**Author's Note:**

> "Ayásochid," is a Quileute word meaning "How are you?" that you can find on the Quileute Nation organization website. They have a whole document full of common words and phrases as well as numbers that you can find. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed! Thank you for reading <3


End file.
